French Exile

Are you an asylum seeker? Have you been exiled to St Helena by a British government desperate to look as though they are being tough on immigration? Think there’s nothing to do? Well you’d be wrong!

During your time on the island you can visit the empty tomb of Napoleon the First. The French dictator made the island home after the British exiled him there in 1815 and stayed at such luxurious locations as Longwood House accompanied by numerous rats and mice.

Visit the volcano, play golf and go scuba diving, don’t worry you can do all these things day after day, after day, after day, because there’s nothing else to do!

Get to know the local population, with just 4,500 inhabitants, you’ll know everyone in no time, and remember once you’ve experienced island life you’ll never want to leave, because you won’t be able to! With over 1,000 miles to the nearest mainland, not even the best people trafficker will be able to get hold of an inflatable dingy good enough to make it!

Immerse yourself fully in the Napoleon lifestyle on the South Atlantic’s foremost tropical island and dire of boredom or problematic ulcers, it’s your choice!

How do you go about winning this trip of a lifetime? Just come to tolerant Britain as an asylum seeker and let Great British racism take its course, and if you’re brown enough you’ll receive a one way ticket to Napoleon’s last choice of exile hotspot!

Don’t miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity to flee from oppression, war and famine in your native country, come to Britain and be treated like French Emperor!

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